With the system down this morning I have had a bit of frenzy. Now (as I sit and wait for the fix) I have decided to come in here.

I found a cool blog today, it was at this site - Elegant Hack Enjoy the great design....

Alf came around to show me some magic stuff, and we traded a few ideas. I went to juggling, and found myself trying to remember moves with Linking Rings with Gordon. After manhandling a trampette to someone's house, I went to have a drink with the circus crew - which turned into quite a late one, including 'all back to my place' and a bottle of Irish Whiskey I brought back from Belgium. I left a couple of people still asleep on the floor as I bimbled out to work this morning.

Does anyone read this stuff? Does anyone really care? I am all too aware that there is a certain vanity in an online diary, but I guess it does allow people to drop in to see how I am doing, without me having to remember to 'stay in touch' all the time. Hi Julia!

Oh. 'bimbling' is a word I first heard used at Glastonbury, it's a kind of semi-unpurposeful wandering about. And that explanation isn't going to help. Sorry.

I couldn't take Monday off work to recover, as I need my day off for next Saturday, to go to a backgammon tournament in Somerset.

I was really hanging by the end of the day, and shortly after getting home and having a glass of wine I fell asleep, and slept most of the night...

A bit stiff today, but at least I am rested. I guess I still throw myself into this stuff.

Talking to a hundred strangers (in French!) is quite a a strain on the brain, and keeping one's spirits up during long boring periods, when no-one wants to talk to you, uses energy as well. Generally I pour energy into the show biz thing - when I used to do my 40 minute solo show it felt afterwards as though I had done the 100 metres in 10 seconds, or a five minute mile (or is that sex, I forget...)

Anyway - I had to get into a high energy state. And it was the same for the 15 minute street show - I used to psyche myself right up so as to be able to grab people's attention and hold it amidst all the distractions of a public space.

Anyway - I will slowly recover, no doubt, even at my age.

I don't have any further plans for conventions, so the bubble may have burst, but I have enjoyed them all so far.

Wow, I am tired today. I had a great time in Belgium. The trade fair was an interesting space (who knew people collected Smurfs? and who knew Smurfs were called Schtroumpfs in France? Or is that their name in Germany - ah no, that's Schlumpfe). even if Charleroi seems to have some of the dirtiest air I have ever smelled.

It was great to see Ailsa and Yvonne again, and good to talk to Gerald Home, who I was obviously working alongside more than once back then in the glory days, but we none of us have been in touch since.

Aurelien and I had a very funny time - and our nonsense eventually began to affect Gerald, too. I am not sure that Michael Sheard and Bear were quite so amused by our antics. hey ho.

My shy side couldn't possibly do a gig like that (talking to strangers, talking in French, etc) so my clown tends to take over the reins...and he isn't dangerous but he is a little bit loud and carefree...and when you give him a couple of hospitality beers it gets even worse (I didn't used to let him drink, back then when I was a professional juggler and acrobatic clown!)

I am just packing to go to Belgium. Getting nervous (as ever) because it is still show biz, and that's what show biz runs on - nerves.

Of course, being a street urchin, I am more nervous about being looked up and down by the posh hotel we are staying at. They always know that I don't belong in that world. It's not just my unironed clothes, my homemade haircut or the tendency to treat staff as equals, but the aura of 'street' that comes off me.

W.C.Fields said the same, long after he was a star of Broadway and Hollywood - he said people's dogs still snarled at him, because they could smell the poverty and desperation of his earlier years.....

I immediately think I should go put clean trousers on...just at the thought...rather than my comfortable 'travel' ones that I have been wearing for two days already!

Sad, isn't it? I guess so. But I will never get to feel like a star. I don't even feel like part of the middle classes. I certainly never felt like the white male oppressor! I mostly feel like I am playing at being a grown-up, and always expect to get caught out.

Look at me! In my Twenties hitching and bumming about; in my Thirties wandering about with a suitcase full of juggling and magic, doing street shows; a brief spell in the movies (which is what this is all about); into my Forties on the dole, running away to join the circus and finally, in my Fifties, a 'steady job' in a humble profession (libraries) which has led to being a computer person (improbably at my age).

But I am still sure they are going to catch me out....and spot the kid dressing up and putting on a show....

Be Seeing You!

I somehow managed to miss out on writing up my visit to Recklinghausen to the Dark Side Convention.

Too busy.

Too fatigued.

Too many impressions.

So I'll just say I had a wonderful time - met some great people - laughed a lot - and just enjoyed a great adventure....I'll try to get around to it eventually, but meanwhile...

Thanks to Britta and Volker for the hospitality (and to Volker's mother for the vodka drink! - It is still maturing on the shelf....I don't know if it will last until Christmas...) and to Volker's father for the lifts. Thanks to Dave for the games and learning how to count up to six in German. Big thanks to Nicole for patiently and fluently translating for both me and John Coppinger (nice to see our John) and for the great singing with Volker.

And thanks to everyone else who made it such a fun weekend..... Danke!

Enjoy yourselves at Echo Base, I'll be down the road at Charleroi.

What a week! I won't bore you with what is now my everyday work - suffice to say the network was down, and it wasn't my fault, and I had no control over it, but everyone comes to me to find out what is occurring................

I spent my day off messing with pictures, just for the heaven of it (?)

Then I listened to a bit of George Carlin. But please don't follow my link if you are easily shocked. You can't say you weren't warned. Just think Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks, and if you like that sort of stuff - go visit. And don't go to those other links, either, if you are not sure...............

Well, we had beautiful weather on Tuesday, and Judith and Abi came over the water from Somerset on a calm clear day. Julie picked us up from the front at Penarth, and we all went to St Fagan's - a rather delightful 'theme park' of Welsh Life, which contains buildings from all periods of Welsh history, moved from their original locations stone by stone, and rebuilt in amongst tall trees. There are mills, and churches, and farm houses; a reconstructed Celtic village and late 19th Century shops. We finished the day with an excellent Italian meal on the front at Penarth (I highly recommend that place if you ever find yourself there - it's the second time we have eaten there, and both times was superb).

Otis B. Driftwood: It's all right, tha-that's in every contract. Tha-that's what they call a sanity clause.
Fiorello: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ... you can't fool me. There ain't no sanity clause.

A Night at the Opera 1935

I have been back a few days now. I have finally got a good night's sleep. The last few weeks has been a blur: started with a camping holiday in West Wales, which was lovely in spite of the strange mist (low cloud) which occasionally enveloped the camp site, and the reminder that a man of 57 doesn't sleep on the ground as comfortably as the man of 52 did (back there in the circus touring days - as I was the one without a caravan - you can't have a carvan if you won't drive - so I used to sleep in the Big Top).

This was followed almost immediately by a holiday trip to Frankfurt (which was fun, but involved quite a few late nights, and drinking) - then a return to the UK to squeeze in a couple of days work (my boss was right, I should have used them as 'days of rest') and then back to Germany for the Dark Side Convention which was small, very friendly and involved (you've guessed it) long days, and then nights of drinking and talking). Is there a pattern here?

I then came back via Stanstead Airport, so that was a 9 hour journey (if you included the clock change) only to go to bed late and exhausted to get up and go to work all this week. I really must learn to build in some days off - using Days Off to extend 'holiday time' doesn't really work, especially when holidays are more strenuous than working.

Anyway, if a certain rueful tone is sneaking in here, it is because I have just finished reading Tony Hawk's "Round Ireland with a Fridge" a book recommended to me by someone in Germany - possibly relating it to how bizarre my life must sound - living serially as a juggler, film puppeteer, circus teacher, road crew and now computer network operator. And before you ask, no I didn't plan it, and yes it all surprised me too.

But now I have had my two hours of 'day off' in the sun with a book, and have to get on with the 'real world' - ie tidying up, house-cleaning, sorting out the plumbing and other delights of home-owning (not me personally, but I get involved. The joys of renting was always that landlords had to worry about this stuff. Although, if they didn't worry enough it was, I suppose, me who put up with it until they got round to fixing it. I used to put up with it by sitting out in the sun..........)

The library was attacked by a virus on September 11th (no, nobody came up with that theory), so public Internet access was down; and DVDs are being stolen systematically, so we are having trouble trying to check what should be there, and what isn't, etc. It's all pretty tiring.

I always knew show business was a soft option - even when standing in the wings in terror of 'dying' in public, or hanging around for weeks with no money waiting for the phone to ring.

Still, my friend Judith has found out about a boat that will bring her from Somerset to Cardiff next week. It's a one-day wonder, I am afraid, as car culture killed the ferry business years ago - so now everyone has to drive all the way around over the Severn Bridge - instead of crossing the channel in a straight line. On a clear day we can see each other on the beach (well, almost)...

And I have another crazy adventure to go on at the end of the month - off to Belgium. No doubt there is still some fun to be had before the winter sets in, and we all have to do our christmas shopping. I am sorry if that is the first time you heard it mentioned - I have already seen the word and the pictures, and it's still only September - and anyone who knows me knows that I hate that season with a will - which always causes grief with the people who still believe in Tooth Fairies and Santa Claus, when we Marx Brothers fans can't be fooled, we know "there ain't no sanity clause!"Shall I sit in the sun, or try to fix the plumbing leak? You can guess what I'd like to, and you know what I ought to, be doing.

No doubt duty will win out over self-indulgence. I have had enough fun......

Hey Ho.

At DSC Ken Colley was very interesting on the subject of big cats, especially with his tigers' tales.

When I got home I stepped on the tail of a tiger, got into a fight and lost, so I am still feeling a bit rough.

Still, Belgium is coming up, and another little adventure out into the big wide world to meet people who want to meet me - so it's not all bad - to quote the song "I can't complain but sometimes I still do "

I have a mansion
Forget the price
Ain't never been there
They tell me it's nice
I live in hotels
Tear out the walls
I have accountants
Pay for it all
They say I'm crazy but I have a good time
I'm just looking for clues at the scene of the crime
Life's been good to me so far

My Maserati
Does one eighty-five
I lost my license
Now I don't drive

I have a limo
Ride in the back
I lock the doors
In case I'm attacked

I'm making records
My fans they can't wait
They write me letters
Tell me I'm great

So I got me an office
Gold records on the wall
just leave a message
Maybe I'll call

Lucky I'm sane after all I've been through
Everybody says I'm cool (He's cool)
I can't complain but sometimes I still do
Life's been good to me so far

I go to parties
Sometimes until four
It's hard to leave
When you can't find the door

It's tough to handle
This fortune and fame
Everybody's so different
I haven't changed

They say I'm lazy but it takes all my time
Everybody says Oh yeah (Oh yeah)
I keep on going guess I'll never know why
Life's been good to me so far

"Life's Been Good"
written by Joe Walsh

Hooray for the Optimists! I finally managed to watch my DVD of Robert Anton Wilson (Maybe Logic) - I received my advanced copy a few weeks ago, and I have been putting it off, while dealing with 'the real world'...

As well as Bob, I may be one of the few survivors of the The Sixties who are 'just as angry and just as optimistic' and if you think he's my guru - well, screw you too, he's just one of the people who has kept the faith (fnord) that we can do the Golden Age in the future not in the past - that we can all be going there, not missing out on it, and yes, I've just drunk a bottle of red wine because it eased the pain of my current reality, which I am about to go and work on (I'd much prefer Alice B Toklas cookies, but they're illegal and hard to come by)

Over but not yet Down and Out! Bye, good luck and may your god go with you.

Hi Harvey! Don't take it so personal...................

Hi Keili

I miss you loads, and I have put a separate post up in 'Spooking The Herd'.

It was fun at the Dark Side Con in Recklinghausen. I stayed with some really wonderful people (rather than in a hotel) and got to hang out with an old friend (for a beer or three) as well.

It was quite a small event, and turnout was probably disappointing, but it was still more fun than just going to a trading fair. People were in a variety of fantasy costumes (not only Star Wars), and I got to judge a costume competition (once I had worked out the scoring system. I also heard Volker and Nicole singing a wonderful duet (I heard a rehearsal in the small hours first, then saw/heard it on stage). The hypnotist show brought down the roof with stomping and cheering and whooping from the very enthusiastic crowd.

A specially commissioned Darth Vader costume was given to Dave Prowse, who put it on for photos (it was the first time he had been in the costume for over 20 years.) This was a rare moment to witness - even if he was off (immediately afterwards) on his neverending tour of the world selling autographs. I signed a few pictures and posters and such, but Jabba isn't such a pull, really, so I am hardly going to give up the day job. Still, I got a free trip to Germany, and you can't argue with that.

I am back from a small but very enjoyable convention in Recklinghausen this weekend. I will post more about this later. My web counter says I have been visited by people using these languages...averaging 4 per day....

English 102
Danish 14
French 13
German 6
Unknown 3
Spanish 2
Dutch 2
Malay 1
Hungarian 1
Chinese 1

I got to Stansted airport a little early, so I am trying one of these internet booths. I like the big silver rolling ball, but I hate the indestructible keyboard.

Reading 'Breaking the Head', a shamanistic adventure story which I am enjoying.

I had a couple of days back at work, but now I am off to another festival/carnival.

More soon - perhaps on a more fluent keyboard!

I am getting very tired of listening to the news. Recently it seems that people dying is mostly what it is about. Wars, of course; dramatic accidents; murders; suicides (including those who take other people with them); illness, etc.

It is uncanny. Is that all we are interested in - ways to die?

Why don't we go the whole way - not just picking out plane crashes, but listing the ten people a day who regularly die on the roads in the UK (figures are even higher in France, I believe).

Let's list them all, and the mundane way they were suddenly interrupted. Let's count all the 'uninteresting' people who die of hunger, thirst, poverty and neglect - not just those heroic soliders, or those being horribly tortured. Let's list them all, and be done with it - just like the weather forecast. At that level we would realise how steady the figures are (something insurance firms know - the law of large numbers which level out statistically). Get a perspective.

152,078 people die every day, according to this site of World Vital Events - and, for what it's worth, they reckon 352,764 new people are born every day....aren't they news? That's 245 per minute, with only 106 dying, so the population is growing by 139 per minute, and has been for a long time.

If you prefer something a bit more vivid, look at the counter on this UN site.

So don't tell me about a suicidal politician or terrorist, or a multiple car pile up, or any freak accident that makes us think death is just 'bad luck'. Why not tell us about some positive stuff - intelligence at work; lucky breaks; positive outcomes....

As Julie has decided to go the Mac route I am going to have to work on networking the household with PCs and Macs combined.

Oh what fun.

I will continue to report on this, when it all kicks in, and any help will be gratefully accepted - since I weighed it all up years ago, and decided that (for all Microsoft's faults) I was going to go down the route of (effectively) speaking English (the world language)...rather than isolate myself in a side group. I wanted transferrable skills to get me through my old age...

If I was a real geek I would be learning to use Linux, but instead I am trying to learn enough German to not feel completely stupid next week. Hmmm.

And if you don't understand this, don't worry, I am a bit confused myself, and (like I said) this is an online diary, not a publication, so it is mostly notes to myself.

I just do it in public, as I originally put my life on the line by determining to be a street performer, and threw myself on the mercy of my fellow human beings to find a way through this life without a boss.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIA!

Back in Cardiff and catching up. I have no idea why my writings page is climbing the Google heap. It's a bit embarrassing, as there are projects listed there which haven't been typed up for months (years?) It's a neglected backwater page.

I'll try to get it sorted out soon.

One day I'll take the whole thing down and start from scratch (in its current incarnation it just grew from a cv (resume) published using a Front Page template).

I'm in Frankfurt

learning the secrets of Houdini from a friend. Struggling with a Mac Computer and a German keyboard, so I won't write long.

New postings, and catching up on email later in the weekend.

Very strange.

I just woke up from a dream. What was odd about it was that in the dream I met someone (call him A) and did something (irrelevant here) which gave me a sense of déjà vu, and then when I thought about it I realised that I hadn't really lived through the event before, but had dreamed it. I mentioned this to another of the characters in the first dream (if you follow me) who wasn't surprised - "Oh yeh, A's in the habit of visiting people in their dreams".

Then I woke up, fairly confused, given that A really has just visited me in a dream...

Want one interesting site to explore, for the Bank Holiday (UK)?


Try Anxiety Culture

You may or may not believe that we never went to the moon - you may think we have a colony there (Alternative Three) but try this factoid about the Space Shuttle on for size:

Every time the shuttle goes up the solid fuel rocket boosters spew millions of pounds of aluminum dust into the high atmosphere and ionosphere. Some of this aluminum never comes down.
With 113 flights so far, that means there are millions of pounds of aluminum dust floating around up there blocking radio transmissions, sunlight etc.
This continuing atmospheric pollution is brought to you thanks to the primeval "explosion" technologists at JPL, NASA, and Morton Thiokol.

"Joe Six-Pack" goes along for each joyride, he throws
64,000,000 empty beer cans out the window on the way.
(32 aluminum cans per pound)
With 113 flights so far, that means there is the equivalent of
BILLIONS OF EMPTY CANS FLOATING AROUND UP THERE.
That's BILLIONS.

I am enjoying the stats from the counter: I have no idea how accurate this is - whether repeat visits count as one person or several, etc - but currently I have been visited (it says) by people using these languages
English 68
Danish 5
French 5
German 3
Dutch 2
Spanish 1
Unknown 1
Chinese 1

Which frame would make this look right? Oblique Strategy


Oh, and Lubor's Lens is something else, but I'll let you Google that yourselves....

Just a couple of notes: Thanks Brandon!

Thanks, also, to the people at Deep Leaf Productions, who just sent me my limited edition copy of *Maybe Logic - the Lives and Ideas of Robert Anton Wilson* the DVD (with bonus material).

I am trying to savour it, and not gulp it down. All it took to slow me down was to look at the practical exercises, when Bob said 'put it on pause and go collect some random household objects........................Are you back?'

At that moment I did pause... 'tooo laate man....'

Humanize something free of error

- that's what Oblique Strategies recommended to me today....

Oblique Strategies are 'over a hundred worthwhile dilemmas' by Brian Eno and Peter Schmidt - that can be found in the form of a pack of cards. But here's a great online version to play with for now.

More weird stuff. I came home to an email saying someone had just signed my guest book!

I went - Which Guest Book?

Ah, that Bravenet one I put up and took down a year ago....so how did someone come across it? In a cache? Or are they just sneaking around Bravenet members area, and going into guest books and sites from that site?

Hard to tell.....

Here's a crappy bit of advertising crud. I wondered why contact lens people and cookie makers were popping up in Google, when you hunt for Jabba stuff.

It looks as though best-shops-online sell space to these companies, and offer to hype them up the charts, then just hide some irrelevant (but popular) keywords on their pages and Voila! instant placings in search categories. Worse than out-of-the-blue junk mail must be junk that turns up when you are doing a specific search (not because you have asked a vague question.....)

I don't specially want to advertise these people, but this is what you get:

Discovered! convenient biocompatibles contacts Discount Contact ...
... MILLERStardestroyer Captain No 2 TOM MANNIONJabba Puppeteers TOBY PHILPOTT MIKE EDMONDS
DAVID BARCLAYPuppeteers MICHAEL And with our huge buying power, we are ...
contact-lenses.best-shops-online.com/ convenient_biocompatibles_contacts.asp - Similar pages

Excellent for oatmeal raisin gift fresh baked cookies - Delicious ...
... oliverstardestroyer captain no 1 pip millerstardestroyer captain no 2 tom mannionjabba
puppeteers toby philpott mike Chef David, trained in the finest French ...
cookies.best-shops-online.com/ oatmeal_raisin_gift_Fresh_Baked_cookies.asp - Similar pages
Cheeky, huh?

I managed to buy a secondhand copy of the Jamais Vu Papers....and was enjoying it's tale of people writing their own life as stories or knowing they're characters in a book ( a plot my friend Mick used to like) - with all that weirdness of knowing what is going to happen (deja vu), reversed, to jamais vu. I have never been here before.

It was first of all strange to hear the Cardiff Giant mentioned (though it has nothing to do with this city I live in) and a whole piece was written in Pig Latin (which I find really irritating - Iway eallyray indfay isthay itequay annoyingway). Fairly strange things to come across - but far more bizarrely synchronous when I put on a DVD of 'Made' that evening - only to find Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau speaking in Pig Latin, and ending up working for a company called Cardiff Giant (which they have to claim to work for several times).

That's got to be an improbable hit!

There still seems to be a regular flow of visitors wandering through - Hi People!

I guess T'Bone's interview increased traffic a bit (but also Habidabad's interview from before).

This still feels like an ephemeral event to me. A couple of years ago my working as an online tutor gave me freelance earnings on top of my wage, and let me go visit Hawaii (after not leaving the UK for about 15 years!)

I liked the thought of working from home, and working with my enthusiasm, but I also guessed it wouldn't last. Like most of my freelance plans over the years.

So getting to visit a couple of Star Wars conventions is fun, (and I know it could be a big old world of promotions, if you get into it), but the most I honestly expect is a couple of trips to other European countries (where someone else pays the plane fare) , and meeting some good folks.

I never was good at sustainable plans (as you can see from my history) as I have always been restless, into early adoption, easily bored, always moving on.....

This steady job isn't bad (as a plan for being in your mid-50s) but I still don't know if it will really see me through all the ups and downs of the next few years (i should be so lucky...)

I so enjoyed my entry of the 27th July, that I am going to repeat it here - just to remind myself to put that link onto a permanent page (and because the link is changing)

"After finding Grand Illusions I was racking my brains for the address of another site I found a while ago, containing 'impossible objects' made from playing cards. Well, this morning I found my way back!

They are called WOW cards, and they are at Ian Rowland's website. He performs all over the world doing a 'Beyond the Psychic' show. Not like Uri Geller, he has a self-deprecating sense of humour and self-mockery (while obviously still proud of the great stuff he can do).

It was always Geller's vanity that annoyed me (I remain an honorary member of the circle of conjurers who like fooling people, but not kidding them it is anything 'paranormal'. And speaking of paranormal, have a look at the impossible objects on Ian's site, which he calls PPOs (Permanent Paranormal Objects) which make a ship in a bottle look like child's play. (Though sadly the links to Angus Lavery, and the spoon that changes shape were dead links when I visited today)."

It's been a funny week for news. I don't mean the death and destruction stories to keep the climate of fear going...

Nah, the trivia. Last week it was 'Sun screen causes cancer' - not so much directly, as that it makes people think they are completely protected and they carry on with the foolish over exposure...

Then it was 'nicotine is potentially a very useful drug' it's the smoking that's bad for you. It was fun for an old hippie to see nicotine as 'having so bad a public image that you could never get funding to study it', especially now that hemp cosmetics and foods and clothing and other spinoffs are becoming available - although we are still a long way from being prescribed THC for depression....

And then there was the New Scientist with 'sunshine is good for you' - yes it gives you skin cancer, but it also protects you from a lot of other types of cancer and other illnesses related to Vitamin D deficiency.

I feel like Woody Allen in Sleeper - I forget the exact quote, but the gist is that he wakes up 200 years from now to find that later research proved that the ideal diet is in fact Coke Burger and Fries.....

Well, I seem to be in Google churn at the moment.

Quite a lot of visitors, according to this new counter - you can look at the stats yourself, they're not hidden - several languages and countries, which is pleasing for a world citizen like myself.....

"Acting in 'Star Wars' I felt like a raisin in a giant fruit salad,
and I didn't even know who the cantaloupes were."


- Mark Hamill, imdb.com

Whoops! I seem to have lost my top slot in Google. I shouldn't have pulled my Home page for updating, and put it back without metatags, etc. Never mind - it just stops that 'I'm Feeling Lucky' gag for finding me easily....

Still, the interviews are buzzing, and people are visiting the site... I've been doing some friendly trading with people...

Hi Josh! Hi Lee!

And it's hot in the UK, so that's good, too. (I won't go on about my aches and pains, today...)

A BIG HELLO to new visitors. Since I put the counter on a couple of days ago I can see people dropping in to visit - probably in response to the interviews.

As you can probably tell from the look of the site, I am a 'cheap and cheerful' person. It's best not to think of me as some kind of film star. Right now I do a modest job for a modest wage - I still don't own any property, or have any savings, or pensions to look forward to!

I dropped out from school, determined to enjoy myself and to have adventures and not to work for anyone else - and succeeded very well at that.

When it comes to capitalism, money, property and social status, however - I remain a bohemian, or a Beat, a drop-out, or a hippie (or whatever word you use for someone so out-of-tune with celebrity, greed and fame). That doesn't mean it wasn't fun. Just don't assume I am any less human (or more superhuman) than yourself.....

The film business was just a little bit of lottery luck that got me through the 80s.

I have put a web counter on the front page for the moment. Just out of curiosity. I've done this a couple of times before (I am always experimenting with stuff that doesn't cost me anything - except stress when it screws up my PC).

So it has only been on for a day - and you can see if anyone else visits as easily as I can - because I haven't paid to hide the stats. What do I care. This whole thing could just be me writing in my den without anyone looking over my shoulder - and that's fine with me. This blog is mostly notes to myself - and links to cool stuff I come across, so I don't forget where I found them.

If anyone else pops in, fine, and welcome, but you'll have to look after yourself, I am not being a host.....

Mi casa es su casa

False Alarm - Bavarian Fire Drill - call it what you will. Google seems to have settled out again. Who knew it was so fickle?

Usually my home page comes in top, and then second place alternates between the Writings page (for some strange reason!) and Jabba's Left Hand Man (which seems unsurprising)...

And while I am at it, no I am not the Liberal Democrat politician of the same name, nor am I the business studies guy in Durham (who may or may not be the same guy) nor am I the eleven year old Toby who likes football. I'd like to take this opportunity to apologise to them all for dominating the cyberfields, but until I got onto the Web I thought I was unique (huh, didn't we all!) And I just happen to have done stuff which pushes me up the Google charts...

There aren't enough Toby Philpott's (54) to do a Dave Gorman show, unfortunately...

Doh! I cannot believe it! For the first time in about a couple of years my webpage is not top of the Google hit parade.

I wouldn't mind, but I have just started saying to people that there is no point in remembering my (complicated) webpage address, just put my name in Google and hit I'm Feeling Lucky. I don't want to go out and pay good money for a domain name. This is just a light-hearted hobby for me, and I don't want to start taking it so seriously - people will think I am really vain! Can you imagine? fnord

TOBY PHILPOTT DOT COM oh sure...

Anyway, maybe it's just the Google Dance. I wouldn't mind if it was my IMDb link at the top of the list, but it's that silly one at Hollywood.com, where they list me as Celebrity Number 1475096 (which I think is hilarious - I want a T-shirt made - talk about a Z-List celebrity!) and they don't even know I worked on Jabba... (hey ho)

Perhaps it is the shuffle created by the latest interview, which is getting cross-links from other fan sites like Episode-X and UnderGroundOnline

It would be a little ironic if I lost my standing because of getting more links...ah, the mysteries of the Google Algorithm.....

Although I enjoyed Soderberg's Solaris OK on it's own level it was ultimately unsatisfactory because of ending up with the lovers living happily ever after in some sort of 'heaven' where there is no pain. This is so far from the mysterious encounter with the alien ocean in the original movie as to be almost laughable.

Solaris was as weird as 2001, and people differed over what it 'meant' but one thing is certain - the ocean manifests as his suicidal wife while probing in his mind, but later she STOPS returning when the ocean takes a different approach. At this point the intelligent ocean tries to 'understand' and adapt to the human just as the human tries to reconcile with the ocean. We are talking a strange mixture of cosmic mysticism and truly alien encounter. To have it reduced to a 'second chance for happiness' and a 'happy ending fantasy life in an illusionary 'folie-a-deux' " seems so irritatingly trivial that I guess I am still mumbling on....

Hey ho - I shouldn't take it so personally, I guess. This from Underview

"In an attempt to appease whatever motivation lies behind the ocean's assault on their sanity, to deflect whatever power is tearing their lives apart, Kris and his companions agree to an experiment. An encephelogram of Kris's brain will be directed into the sea, in the hopes that the life force will be better able to comprehend the nature of humanity."

"Ocean Solaris begins to understand what gives Kris his humanity. When Kris's fever lifts, his first thought is of Hari. But she has gone, and will not return. Hari is not at the innermost core of his life force. The purpose of Kris's ordeal goes beyond assuaging the guilt that haunts him over Hari's death. "

"And what destiny is it that now awaits Kris? He has no reason to remain exiled in this distant place, but what is left for him back on earth? Just as Dave in 2001 underwent a transformation beyond the point of any human reference, so Kris's experiences have carried him long past the point where he can simply return whence he came; so his journey is almost complete. It is time for Kris to learn - or to be reminded - of his own true source and find his ultimate destination."

And it is his parents (his source) that he is reconciled with in the end.....

"Kelvin can never distance himself from the forces that shaped his own development. However far he journeys, he will ultimately be drawn back to his own roots. Even at the limits of human endurance, Kelvin is a creature of the earth and the people who gave him existence. The dream of returning home and eradicating the mistakes of his past lies at the core of Kelvin's being, but it takes an alien intelligence to perceive the dream.
Yet that alien intelligence, too, is subject to whatever laws may govern the universe. The inescapable fate bestowed by a spiritual, moral existence is to live with the conscience that arises from the actions a person takes, with no prospect of a second chance. Kelvin's ultimate destiny is to return to the place where he was born. He can go nowhere else."

But then again, Lem (the original author) found Tarkovsky's film irritatingly emotional, mystical and glum –

"The whole sphere of cognitive and epistemological considerations was extremely important in my book and it was tightly coupled to the solaristic literature and to the essence of solaristics as such. Unfortunately, the film has been robbed of those qualities rather thoroughly. Only in small bits and through the tracking camera shots we discover the fates of those present at the station but these fates should not be any existential anecdote either but a grand question concerning man's position in Cosmos, etc.
My Kelvin decides to stay on the planet without any hope whatsoever while Tarkovsky created an image where some kind of an island appears, and on that island a hut. And when I hear about the hut and the island I'm beside myself with irritation... This is just some emotional sauce into which Tarkovsky has submerged his heroes, not to mention that he has completely amputated the scientific landscape and in its place introduced so much of the weirdness I cannot stand."

So I guess they are all separate but related bits of art, and I shouldn't get so mad....

This from Salon
"Soderbergh's film is probably not the equal of either Tarkovsky's 1972 predecessor or the memorably Byzantine prose of Lem's novel, but in the end, almost despite himself, this able craftsman has made a brave and lovely companion piece to both of them. His ending is pure cinema at its most marvelous and moving; it brings Kelvin full circle and renders irrelevant all questions about where he is, whether he's alive or dead, whether he's with Rheya or alone. He's in a movie, after all, and if that's not immortality it's about the closest thing we've got. "

This from Shaking Through

"Soderbergh boils Solaris down to one central conceit: Love is stronger than death. Lem touched on this notion, but debunked it as useless romanticizing, yet another example of humans trying to impose their will on immutable universal law. For Soderbergh, however, love can triumph over death, as it has in recent films like Ghost and Francis Ford Coppola's Dracula. Soderbergh also understands basic economics: will audiences really go for a brooding meditation on time, memory and intransigent contact with a living ocean, or would they prefer to see George Clooney (playing Dr. Chris Kelvin in the update) and the striking Natascha McElhone (as Rheya) falling in love and getting naked? "

Which just about sums it up...... I have no great affection for 'Love Conquers All' as a plot - simply because, when it doesn't, people just say "Well that can't have been true love..." (sigh)

I did a bit of tidying up and moving stuff around on the website (well, it's better than tidying my 'real' room) so you may find things a little different.

I have deliberately buried a links page to magic and juggling flourishes, but temporarily I will point to it here as a *New Page* - but given that I point to how David Blaine levitates and how Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear - I figured I should hide it from casual eyes. On most magic sites they set you a little test to check you are 'in the know' but as I found these sites just using Google, I don't feel like I am exposing something too casually. And I am very scared about people's gullibility in this modern day and age....that they could still see something on television and truly believe that a man can levitate is quite scary. Entertainment and illusion is OK....

I added some links on the cgi vs. real Jabba issue; a page of strange bits and pieces; and links to all current online interviews

Oh, and the second part of the most recent interview is now up.

I just finished doing an online interview with a webmaster (a grand master) which you can read the first part of here
NB: 31 August 2003 this site (like other links below) appears to be intermittent - due to maintenance - try later if you don't get through

You can also find it by going to www.starwarz.com (or just put StarWarz in Google, if you want). That's an interesting node, and you can then go on to T'Bone's Star Wars Universe.

It's a great site, and we had fun putting the words together, and he has added pictures and stuff - I like the result. When I finish changing my Jabba pages I will put a permanent link to this.

After finding Grand Illusions I was racking my brains for the address of another site I found a while ago, containing 'impossible objects' made from playing cards. Well, this morning I found my way back!

They are called WOW cards, and they are at Ian Rowland's website. He performs all over the world doing a 'Beyond the Psychic' show. No Uri Geller he, he has a self-deprecating sense of humour and self-mockery (while obviously still proud of the great stuff he can do).

It was always Geller's vanity that annoyed me (I remain an honorary member of the circle of conjurers who like fooling people, but not kidding them it is anything 'paranormal'. And speaking of paranormal, have a look at the impossible objects on Ian's site, which he calls PPOs (Permanent Paranormal Objects) which make a ship in a bottle look like child's play. (Though sadly the links to Angus Lavery, and the spoon that changes shape were dead links when I visited today).

Here is an absolutely fantastic (in the true sense of the word!) site.

I found it at lunch-time, and it is a serious temptation to goof off during work! Fortunately the phone keeps going, so I am managing to hold off until I get home...

I love magic, but not just conjuring. The whole realm of optical illusions, puzzles, mindbenders, brainteasers and amazing gadgets is a natural extension of conjuring. This site is called Grand Illusions and they certainly are.

In their shop (one click on from the free area) you will also find they have some extraordinary toys (a few of which I saw several years ago when a guy just pulled them out of his bag at a juggling convention...)

All over the site there is stuff to try, animated examples, things to make and do. Oh, and for Judith there is even the address of the only orrery maker left in England.

I came across a Star Wars 'research' page the other day - Starkiller - The Jedi Bendu Script Site - so I contacted them about the few old call-sheets which I came across recently, in an old box. Not much of a souvenir, and I returned my (numbered) script sheets twenty years ago....

Funnily enough, I walked away from the shoot with my bits of script, and then sent them back, very apologetic, later (I wanted to work again!) - I know, because I found the humble letter, too. As it happens, I don't think the people in the office were going to chase me up on it, so I probably could have kept them. Hey ho.

You are talking to a man who gave away an 'almost new' crew shirt for 'Revenge of the Jedi' just a couple of years ago (before I discovered just how much it might have been worth!)

And the young guy I gave it to wore it all the time, and works in the countryside, so it is well trashed now (I hope I am not making any collectors cry out there).

Anyway, Hi to Björn and T'Bone - I have just posted off the copies....

I had a charming email today from Miles Hochstein, who has added my autobiography pages to his page of illustrated lives. I am very flattered, especially to be in the company of Tesla and Einstein!

Yolande Jodi is 35 today. Happy Birthday out there!

To Tom and Sharon - peace and love........

Another larger than life character (though completely different from Michel Thomas) is Harry Knowles, the founder of the Ain't It Cool News website

I found his book, "Ain't It Cool? Kicking Hollywood's Butt" in our library stock, and it's a great read. The opening chapter, on his family background, is just wild!

"From childhood on we are conditioned to associate learning with tension, effort, concentration, study. I n essence, learning equals pain. The educational experience has been a painful one, and has capped the immense learning potential of each child. This is a tragedy." p 320 The Test of Courage: A biography of Michel Thomas.

Or go look on his website

Although, unless you have a lot of money, I would recommend borrowing his language learning material from your local library...his courses are really expensive, short though they are.

I have been looking at the biography of Michel Thomas, which I will not try to summarise here, but I did find good quotes about his attitude to learning and the educational establishment. Anyone who knows me knows how much I disliked the education I had, and yet how much I enjoy learning. I work for the Leisure and Lifelong Learning group in my local council now, which just about sums up why I happened to be a juggler for a while...there was no urge to be a performer, I just wanted to spend the bulk of my time in Leisure and Learning...and that particular skill happened to support itself.

It also took me into teaching - and I always thought of teaching as 'sharing an enthusiasm' and overcoming people's bad learning experiences - juggling was a particularly simple (but apparently difficult) skill, which could rapidly give people a sense of success and achievement. The lessons learned - in 'learning how to learn' could be applied to other areas of life. I always thrived with self-selected students, but often had trouble with ready-made groups doing my course as a compulsory event. Much harder work.

Just listening to Paul Jones' Blues programme on BBC2, and was knocked out by a '21st Century' blues mix thing

Title: Ride On
Artist: Skip Little Axe McDonald
Album : Session CDR

and you can hear it (about 12 minutes in) on the playback on the BBC site.

For some background to Wednesday 9th's Joke Error Page story, see here

"Never memorize something that you can look up." -- Albert Einstein

Definitely Joke of the Day!

Put weapons of mass destruction into Google and click I'm Feeling Lucky

You will apparently get a page not found message, but look more closely.....and read carefully....

And having corrected my timings, I thought I should analyze what I am doing a bit.

I started this Blog when my previous public one - Thinking Allowed - started feeling frivolous and irrelevant after 11 September 2001. And, no, it wasn't just out of respect for people dying (people do die - thanks to US foreign policy - every day) BUT it also wasn't just to bite my tongue because of my sarcastic attitude to most people 'of The Book' (they've been fighting each other since Old Testament times, I just wish they'd leave me out...)

It was just a natural break.

Since then the archives of notes have piled up, and now I am 18 months in I thought I should tidy up. I am printing off hard copy of most of it (so I can edit in the old-fashioned way) and will eventually remove it all. Maybe then I will stick back the good stuff in my writings page...

In case you don't quite get why I love Michel Thomas, it's to do with teaching. I listen for teaching technique.

Both my parents were highly respected teachers in different arts.

When I looked at NLP (now a bit of a cult) it was because the founders had studied great teachers, to see if it was a transmittable skill. It's still not clear if it is.

Certainly you can learn some basic tricks. Perhaps it's the few extra lifetimes of experience which make the difference. (That's for the Buddhists).

Wow, what a fantasy! To get a job working for Blogger and Google on the West Coast!

I am not even applying right now, because I am in love with the person I live with, who has a locked-in life here right now, and because I still have stuff to learn about computing through the job I hold....plus I have the Star Wars connection to work on...

The government here, however, just moved the goal posts for the Baby Boomers (they knew we were coming since 1947, why do they still act surprised?).

They didn't say "we don't have enough to pay those pensions we promised in return for all that National Insurance you paid" ...no, they say "we are against age discrimination, so we don't think it should be compulsory for employers to 'let you go' when you are 65 years old" - in other words, if you don't have enough to stop working, you can work till you drop...

Nice of them.... :-) that's the Irony Check - yes I am joking.

I forgot this guy. William Nowik. I just remembered.

Enjoy his website - pictures and writing. Here

PS: remember artists are bohemian, and unshockable, and find all words and images equally interesting - so don't be surprised if you come across a few surprises...

And don't ever say I didn't warn you................

Another small joy, today. I came across the Michel Thomas language learning tapes/CDs in the library.

What fun! His tapes are of himself and two students going through a logical introduction to language. As English contains both Germanic and 'Latin' elements he points out how much you already know, and then gently takes you through a simple logical progression of communicating. Excellent!

Whenever I have tried to learn languages, or to teach what little I knew to others, I have always pointed out similarities and general rules - but this guy is a relaxed genius at it.

I have dabbled in all three languages so far, and the important thing is the feeling of success, and achievement, and the feeling that you could go off and improvise a dialogue almost straight away.

If you don't like tapes and such, you can hire Michel himself for about $5000 a day....

He was also a war hero, and his biography is there in Military Studies - but I would like to finish with this quote from his website:

"However, it was a single sentence -- a negative statement -- made by a psychology professor at the Sorbonne, which influenced Michel and changed his life. This statement -- "nobody knows anything about the learning process of the human mind" -- drove him to devote his life to probing the learning process. It is his deeply held conviction that the biggest weapon in maintaining a free society is education and an educated citizenry."

Enjoying my lunch-hour skimming the web - looking for the original author of Desiderata (no, it wasn't written in 1692) I came to InfoAnarchy and by browsing ended up looking at the book
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow

Which can be bought as a book or downloaded for free - I haven't decided yet, but I enjoyed this quote about it:

"In his modernization of wearing your karma on your sleeve, society is governed by reputation and actions. This is not so much an ideal world, as a practical one which keeps considerable adventure and moves in anything but boring ways. 'The whole point ..was to be more reputable than the next ad-hoc, to succeed on merit, not trickery, despite assassinations and the like."

I am suffering from déjà vu again

Listening to this new Bill Hicks CD, and he is doing a routine about Sadaam Hussain and George Bush, and the alliance of the Brits and Yanks to go in and clean out a country which is heavily armed (with stuff we've sold them). And it's 1992.

"How do you know they have weapons of mass destruction?" he might have asked these days...

'Well, we looked at the receipt.

And, as soon as that cheque clears - we're going in!"

Day off today.

Tidied my room.

Changed a few bits on the website.

Dull weather.

Usual kind of diary people keep.

A bit of a gap, there.

The gang have been off at Glastonbury, but I have been cat-sitting. Julie threw a BBQ on Thursday, which left me hanging on Friday (she had the day off). We did go out on Saturday (long drive to disappointing Sculpture Trail) - I had such good memories of it...hey ho.

All I ended up with was a stiff back from the road, and so I didn't go to a wedding reception OR a party due that evening. Hey Ho.

My first two-day weekend for a while, and it fell apart a bit.

Anyway - Monday back at work - humid still, here. There was some rain last night (just to make the tent-crew's life a bit harder), but overall it sounds as though Glastonbury went well. I was missing it quite badly (this is the first time I've watched it on television).

Not that I have gone every year, just that (when I didn't get to go) I didn't watch it on TV.

Listening to Spike Jones on headphones as I walked to work. I had forgotten just how close jazz and cartoons were. The soundtracks of cartoons in my childhood were almost all comedy jazz with sound effects, and Spike Jones is the master of the mental pictures.

And they tried to kid us that dope was from the Sixties! Stoned humour is written all over the Spike Jones sound.

The suppressed history slowly leaked out, of course. You want the facts? Look at Jack Herer's Hemp site before you leap to judgment. When the killjoy Americans gave up trying to ban alcohol under Prohibition, they just switched that established police force onto banning the poor minorities' grow-your-own herb instead - marijuana. Accidentally, they made a most useful fibre, farmed all through the United States at that time(hemp), illegal overnight. Surprised some of the right-wing farmers. Lunacy.

But, if you don't already know this, you probably don't care. And I probably shouldn't be admitting to preferring grass to alcohol EVEN NOW, 35 years after 'The Sixties'. Like Bill Hicks asks - if there are people being rowdy, obnoxious and dangerous in a public place are they drunk or are they stoned? They're drunk, of course. Case closed.

A Happy Summer Solstice to you all!

I have made the mistake of working today (I try not to work on Equinoxes and Solstices, the only 'holiday's' I take seriously, as they are real cosmic events, not local superstitions. Hey ho.

A particular big hello to Walter, as I have just downloaded the Astrolog software, which is a small download (elegant in design) but has so many functions I don't know quite where to begin. I have linked to Walter's 'Labyrinth' site since I first put up the webpage about my film work - as I had failed to expand on my own experiences on the movie, and wanted people to have more information, if necessary.

I thought today deserved something a bit more light-hearted. Julie and I celebrated five years together, last night.

It was a beautiful morning, this morning, and I remembered a day many years ago when I was swimming in the Pacific Ocean, off Bolinas Beach, and it was a bit overcast, and I said to a companion 'it would be perfect, if only the sun came out'. And he replied, rather sternly, 'this is the only day we've got!' A real fierce old Here-and Now message. We hippies were quite fierce with each other, when it came to staying aware....

All of which brings me to this old Sanskrit poem:



Look well to this day

For it is life

The very best of life.

In its brief course lie all

The realities and truths of existence,

The joy of growth, the splendour of action,

The glory of power.

For yesterday is but a memory.

And tomorrow is only a vision.

But today well lived

Makes every yesterday a memory of happiness

And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

Look well, therefore to this day.

I am receiving 'good books' so fast now I can't keep up. I just had placed into my hands "The Best Democracy that Money can Buy" by Greg Palast. If you can't get the book (or don't have time to read) go look at his website

Remember how Bush got elected after some fumbling in Florida? It was like watching a little kid do a card trick. You may not have known exactly what was going on, but there was so much fiddling, and shuffling, and furtive behaviour you KNEW something was going on that wasn't magical.

Well, Greg will tell you how they removed Democrats, African-Americans, Hispanics, etc from the voting list by the thousand, so Bush could be slipped in by a few hundred votes. Check it out, and weep.

And if this is new news to you, you probably live in The USA.

Please don't read these as 'finished thoughts'.

I have spent years thinking about some of these things, and the weblog often just contains notes to myself.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about 'money' and 'wealth'.

As an old hippie, living in an affluent (effluent) UK whose wealth came from exploiting the planet through Empire-building, I already despised what had happened before I was born, but was only really interested in what I could DO about it. The first thing was to resign from the System. I didn't claim benefits through the Welfare State, and didn't pay taxes for many years (except for those indirect ones 'they' cunningly placed, like VAT, the tax on alcohol and tobacco, etc.)

After a long period of wondering how to survive, I ended up as a street performer - my 'pitch' being that if you were amused, and wanted to see me there again the next day, you would have to contribute enough for me to eat and find somewhere to sleep. Enough people gave me cash in those years that I got through this phase. Essentially, these was 'gifts', freely given from one individual to another. No interest, no promises.

Nowadays, street performers have to get public liability insurance, pay self-employed National Insurance stamps, etc. It doesn't take long for the 'System' to integrate you.

Still, I enjoyed the period in which I earned and spent 'cash'. It's a precarious way to live, in a society which uses long-term planning and commitment of resources. If houses were all to be bought by people working the way I did then they would cost about ?£10,000 (a just about feasible amount to 'save' up'). Because you can promise your life earnings away to a mortgage, you can multiply your current earnings (and future earnings plus speculative promotions) to come up with a sum you can 'afford to borrow'. That's what the house costs you - everything you may ever earn.

I guess the illusion of stability allows this sort of gamble. The two generations before me had a couple of wars, The Great Depression, and other reminders that promises might be hard to keep in a changing world.

Still, voluntary 'wage slavery' has its benefits. The huge card castle of debt that the UK and the USA are now living on (far higher than any Third World Debt - which is a parallel debt we hope will pay off our own extravagance) does worry me slightly.

partt of the reason is that, having reached the age of 52, more or less standing back from this system, I joined the library service, and now get low wages which encourage the tendency to borrow against theoretical (speculative) earnings in the future. I haven't gone far into debt, but enough to worry me...I got a credit card to be able to shop on the Internet, and that alone has started eating up my earnings in paying 'Interest'.

Now, charging 'Interest' is the root of the problem. Usury, they call it in the Bible. In systems theory this is a positive feedback loop (in simple terms, the HOWL you get from speakers when a microphone is put in front of them - and you know how excruciating that is!)

Ecological and balanced systems use negative feedback loops to stabilise themselves. The simple model for this is the thermostat in central heating systems - TOO HOT? Turn it off. TOO COLD? Turn it on again.

Of course, someone has to decide on the parameters of the settings. Set them too close together and the system goes into oscillations OFF?ON?OFF?ON?OFF?ON?

Notes to self, like I say. I am reading an excellent book on Money, and Local Currencies, called "Money, Understanding and Creating Alternatives to Legal Tender" by Thomas H Greco, Jr.

The Introduction is by Vicki Robin, author of 'Your Money or Your Life'.
Why not visit her site, and look at the 9 Step program?

and look at the Simple Living website

As you may gather, I am apparently a skeptic about most things. I could refer you to Michael Shermer's site at www.skeptic.com...

or his book, Why People Believe Weird Things. It would all relate to why Richard Dawkins thinks of religions as mind viruses (dangerous memes).

If it will amuse you, look at his savaging of the numerology of The Bible Code, in the latest Scientific American.

Thriil! as David Thomas searches through the book Bible Code II, and uncovers this secret sentence: "the Bible code is a silly, dumb, fake, false, evil, nasty, dismal fraud and snake-oil hoax" using their own techniques!

At the last gasp, however, some of the extreme skeptics are as badly fanatic as the True Believers (Some of the guys at PSICOP spring to mind). It's not that I don't agree with The Amazing Randi, and Martin Gardner (that we delude ourselves a lot of the time) it's just that they don't seem to find that fascinating in itself! I really do think we have to leave a gap for stuff we don't know for sure. Hence my liking for Robert Anton Wilson.

I am also reading a book called Straw Dogs, which not only argues (as I argue) that Western Christian culture has caused terrible problems by believing humans are a 'special creation' separate from the rest of Nature, but points out how the same arrogant belief has been smuggled back in by 'humanists' who still seem to be saying that humans are somehow 'special' and superior to the rest of Life. A dangerous belief when you are entirely dependent on a Vast Active Living Intelligent System like Gaia.

I found myself defending the sociobiological position (hated as a right-wing tendency by socialist and feminist friends alike - they fear more social Darwinism and Eugenics) just because I feel embedded in a continuum of living beings, and I think people are in denial if they try to pretend that we are not descended from animals...and that we carry all sorts of leftover traces of those origins.

I agree we shouldn't base social policies on 'Men are aggressive, women are submissive' and other such crass simplifications, but it also seems obviously true to me that men can not be sure they are the father, whereas mothers can be sure it is their child, and that this reality might affect their mating behaviour as it does every other animal. That women can only have (say) 20 children, but that males could (in theory) have hundreds. That a lot of cultural patterns seem to have evolved around suspicion and control of the female, and reckless 'spreading of seed' by males. I know we CAN override some of our 'animalistic' motives (with our 'superior' brains) but to deny that they exist at all, and claim we are all born exactly equal, and that all differences come from differences in Nurture seems like a deep evasion to me.

It just seems weird to me to ignore modern biological studies and retreat into some empty claim that humans are the only conscious beings, that we are the only intelligent ones, the only ones who feel pain, etc.

That degree of separation seems scary and dangerous, to me.

Call me an animist, pantheist, taoist, what you will...

I know my interest in Burroughs seems odd to some of my friends, but I have always enjoyed intelligent people, and particularly people expressing themselves in writing - so I overlook all the other stuff. His misogyny reminds me of W.C.Fields (it's a routine), and that's the truth. To me he is (like Samuel Beckett) hilariously funny under the deadpan, and a lot of people miss that (or just don't share that sort of hangdog humor).

So, if you are easily shocked, or worry about non-PC behaviour and attitudes, you'd better let Bill Burroughs pass by.....(and Bill Fields, most likely).

In case you are wondering why the title of the blog changed (again!) - I bought a book on Laurie Anderson in Paris, and that reminded me of a tape I used to have - 'Home of the Brave' - which contains a track with that title, but which got lost on some circus tour or other...

I went out and bought a secondhand copy of this, on CD, and am enjoying it as much as before.

Hence the change.

Start here, if you don't know what I am talking about, but only if you care...

Most relevant to the virus theme might be the Electronic Revolution text (which I used to have in a book called The Job, but is online on this site).

Went to a circus party on Saturday night. All-nighter.

I don't remember much, after the dawn. Woke up on the sofa - missed the AGM. Hey ho.....

I had a great chat with HR and John Coppinger tonight. John was being interviewed online, and I spoke to Lars briefly, but the IM windows got confused (blame Trillian) and we were talking across each other. Sorry Lars - it was all on one screen to me, like a noisy party!

HR showed me a greeting on Lars' site here and as Babelfish couldn't do Danish, HR translated it for me. It was a birthday greeting (Feb 14th), and I was very touched...here is a quick translation which HR sent me:

"Hr Nielsen: A Birthday greeting.

I'm honored to inform that one of the greatest, most famous and best remembered puppeteers to ever have performed Jabba's left arm is turning 57 today.

His name is Toby Philpott, and his father was the first to ever do puppeteering on tv. His mother was an actress.

When he was younger he travelled the world as juggler, magician, fire eater and everything else he could think about
performing.

His job in Return Of The Jedi was to control Jabba's left arm, tongue and body movements.

He now, besides a son, has a huge fan following, and even though he describes his part of the Star Wars saga as being a minor part we should always remember that without people like Toby Philpott Jabba would have never come to life and eaten that frog.

Hr Nielsen: That is what it said"

Many thanks to HR (as ever) and to Lars and to all well-wishers. I am very grateful for all your good wishes.

As usual, I'd like to plug The Ecologist magazine - look at a sample of its current issue. You can find the text of the article on Stanley Milgram's scary experiment to see how easily we are led by our peers....to do awful things with a clear conscience.

If you can get a copy, I also recommend the article on Carnival (pp 14/15); the piece on the Wichi tribe (find out more here), and the gag about Harry the Hawk on page 16.

One of the joys of working in a library (even for low pay) is that I get to see all the magazines as they come out..............it's the equivalent of earning quite a bit more to have access to DVDs, CDs, books, magazines and newspapers....

It was interesting to find that the first signed images I gave away are now on offer online at £25. Phew! I don't know if any get sold, of course, although I did find one offered on a Japanese site. And you can buy a card for £7 here (I got devalued from £8)

I still give some away, for goodness sake.

Anyone wants one, why not email me, and get one for less.

What you do with it afterwards is your own choice, I guess. I prefer to personalise them for people's private collections or gifts.

Not that anyone is out here reading this......................... herherehrherherherherher!

I am sitting at one of the public terminals in the library. Just checking on a Monday morning. It is one week to go to the change of library computer systems - this is something many staff have been through before (about every five years) but it is a first time experience for me, and I am supposed to know how it all works (!)

A bit anxious, shall we say.....

back a couple of days now. We had a great time, so thanks to everybody who came to the convention, to all the people who organised it and to Aurélien in particular (for getting me to go), and to Paris and the Parisians for making us so welcome.

I have been corresponding with Matt Lee, who is trying to raise money for a youth centre in Dodge City....so I am sending a few signed things for the auction. I wish them all the best of luck with this, and only mention it in case anyone else can contribute something to the fund-raising - get in touch with me and I'll give you Matt's address.

There was a launch for Jennie Savage's website of anecdotes from Cardiff. She has been artist in residence at the library for some months. And yes, I chatted for a bit about NoFit State [check out their revamped website]and its spin-off, Splott State community circus. The site is here

In the Index, don't look under circus, but under Community. I am the sixth speaker....and yes, you can listen to us talking, as well as read the (rough) transcription of the text....and they may even spell may name right, eventually......

Thanks to Aurélien and all the other people who organised the convention; thank-you to all the people who came; and thanks to Paris and the Parisians for making us welcome.

I am sending some signed stuff to Matt Lee in Dodge City, who is raising money to build a youth centre. I only mention this in case anyone else has something they could contribute to the fund-raising auction. Let me know, and I'll put you in touch with Matt. It's a great idea to offer kids something more than bowling and shopping malls and a cinema. He plans indoor skateboarding rinks, computer rooms, a coffee shop, etc.

I got held up in Paris by the strike at the airport. Back now. News and memories follow.

Yes, the name has changed, to indicate that I am working on my self again. Dr Sarno's 'Mind-Body Prescription' sounds like just the thing - although there has to be a certain"Doh!" factor if and when you find out that all the pain and distress was not directly a physical thing.

"I've never dealt with whodunits. They're simply
clever puzzles, aren't they? They're intellectual
rather than emotional, and emotion is the only thing
that keeps my audiences interested."
-- Alfred Hitchcock

Online Visions - a magic magazine, if you're interested

PS: If you are still feeling a little gullible (like believing that David Blaine can levitate - and please don't follow that link if you prefer to believe he can) then why not go to Cecil's anti-gullible page, The Straight Dope

After doing Test the Nation, I started exploring the Web (again) to look at online tests. The set I focussed on this time was the Myers-Briggs typology tests - (based on Jungian principles) - and started off with a test which said I was INFJ, so I joined a mailing list for those types...then I took another couple of tests, and it changed to INFP, then INTP, and so on. [If you don't get the jargon, do the research...]

I am consistently Introverted, and iNtuitive on these tests, but they seem undecided about my Thinking/Feeling split, and the Perceiving/Judging split. Julie came across this great page for XD38 types which rings certain bells, although she insists it is even more like Keili...

If you have found your way to my blog, and have read this far, I would guess that this might describe you quite well:

"You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic."

you can find this text, and a good discussion of this sort of stuff in The Skeptics Dictionary - for the above text you should check out the 'Forer Effect' before you start believing more than is good for you. Oh the wonders of self-deception.....

Ah, vanity... Googling my name this morning I came across another site that says I only worked on Dark Crystal and Labyrinth and Tall Guy. (Why don't they use IMDb like everyone else?) - but what amused me is that they list my occupation as 'normal actor' :-) Anyone who knows me knows that that is as far from the truth as you can get without actually being a lie.....

Here's a delightful thing, which put a smile on my face this morning (not easy when I am complaining of RSI)....

FlyGuy so simple, so sweet. Many thanks to Keili for pointing it out.....

Ended the evening watching Ed Harris's film about Jackson Pollock.

Some sort of tormented genius. The 'making of' part of the DVD was even more interesting.

Hey ho. If you want my hero - Buster Keaton.

"In a way his pictures are like a transcendent juggling act in which it seems that the whole universe is in exquisite flying motion and the one point of repose is the juggler's effortless, uninterested face."

-- James Agee, "Comedy's Greatest Era"

Well, I am feeling a bit smug at the moment. I missed Test The Nation a few weeks ago, and didn't do the online version, as I had the complete programme on video. I settled down with it today (and a Do Not Disturb sign) and got 64/70, which, for my age range translated as an IQ of 148. The highest in the studio was 135, and the highest online user that evening was 149.

The woman from MENSA said getting over 130 on this particular test would qualify you to join MENSA (the top 2% of the population). The reason being that scores vary quite a bit (last year I got 128 I think). To quote the MENSA site

The term "IQ score" is widely used but poorly defined. There is a large number of tests with different scales. The result on one test of 132 can be the same as a score 148 on another test. Some intelligence tests don't use IQ scores at all. Mensa has set a percentile as cutoff to avoid this confusion. Candidates for membership in Mensa must achieve a score at or above the 98th percentile (a score that is greater than or equal to 98 percent of the general population taking the test) on a standard test of intelligence.

I am not actually surprised, as I was told I was smart when I did the 11+ all those years ago (even though, as Julie pointed out, it was biased against girls). It didn't turn into a university degree. I dropped out in boredom and frustration; I would say because I was too smart, but others would say because (in that area) I was dumb. It hasn't turned into (say) a high income (If you're so smart, why aren't you rich?) It has kept me amused (but easily bored). And I've met people way smarter than me, too (Hi Keili and Kim).

But still, smug, like I say. Just publishing it up here is pretty egotistical, isn't it? Still, I did it because I like the brain exercise. And I get the age-weighting advantage (when actually I am not much slower than I was when I was young). Curious about what I am talking about? Go try it here. Bear in mind that it is weighted against people for whom English is a second language; weighted against people who had less education; weighted against people who suffer exam anxiety; etc.

And I enjoyed chess as a kid, but can't play it well, now. I go nuts trying to understand the fascination of Bridge, and can't even begin to do cryptic crosswords. Each to their own.

Just doing a bit of Googling during my lunch hour. Looking for gossip about the trip to France, I found this chatroom, where people were saying it was too expensive: 8 Euros to get in , and 10 Euros for a signature. Trop cher!

I agree with dark.anakin "C'est clair que c'est un peu cher, surtout pour des persos vraiment secondaires dans la saga" and boba.fett7 made me laugh "Mais ce prix là pour des personnages de second plan est abusé surtout que dans la liste,on voit que l'on peut avoir l'autographe de l'opérateur de Jabba ?! Où est l'interet ? lol
A quand l'autographe du gars qui a livré la pizza à GL pendant le tournage de l'épisode III ?"
[who is interested in a Jabba operator's autograph? You might as well get the autograph of the guy who brought George Lucas's pizza....]

I agree of course. I know I am a very minor celebrity (At hollywood.com I am celebrity number 1,475,096, and they don't even know I was in Star Wars!)

and

I certainly wouldn't pay good money for my own signature...(je suis Marxiste, tendance Groucho).

I agree with all these guys, I am a secondary character, a bit part player. But then again, I don't spend my time collecting Star Wars toys and memorabilia...so to me it's not just too expensive (as though there was a reasonable price for these things) it is merely ludicrous. But that's not to put people down - it's just to say we all value different things. I am probably going to pay $60 for a video of some crazy German magicians, because that's my sort of thing. Others might say

Too much!

Why should a piece of George Harrison's half-eaten toast be worth thousands of pounds (see 27 June 1999), but my signature not even 10 Euros? They are both ludicrous. Unless you are just into money, in which case the tradeable value is the only measure...and I see this guy is selling my autograph (obtained from me by post, for free) for £8 (more than 10 Euros, and I give you a glossy photo).

So, hey guys, don't begrudge un viel acteur une petite vacance.......I give the organisers a large percentage, and I pay for the photos, silver pens for signing, etc. so I only come away with about 4 Euros a picture.

que la force soit avec vous ! And if any of those French guys contact me I will send them a free pic, just for the hell of it! What more can I say?

I just heard from Steve (edits a SW magazine) and it reminded me yet again that I do not really follow the story and characters of the Saga. (sorry, guys!) I am just not from the generation who it had an impact on. There was very little media choice when I was a kid, anyway, but I'll talk Catch-22 with anyone. It was a universe with characters for every occasion...later everyone in my age group seemed to do Lord of The Rings (I know, I know) but I never did, and still haven't (second time around).

If you want to discuss alternate universes with me you have to get into the Illuminati stuff, not just Illuminatus! but all the peripherals, and hints and clues, and cross-references, and dead ends, etc. Echoes in The Prisoner, or Umberto Eco, in genuine straight history books and subversive ones, heresies, magic, perception, manipulation, myths and legends, including urban myths, etc. It's a rich realm, and I hardly share it with anyone...maybe I'm just paranoid.

Still, I do understand the joy of repeated reading (viewing) and trying to work out what is going on, and so on, but I am more of a bloopers and bad continuity person (having worked on some of these things) rather than a true believer....

I guess these are just notes to myself - may not mean much to others. If anyone was wondering why The Grateful Dead is not just a silly Sixties name like The Chocolate Watchband, but is more evocative than that, well, however they came across it - old folk tale books, or whatever - it is an old theme from Tales and Legends, the shortest form being a wayfarer coming across a dead body, giving it a decent burial at their own expense - later the spirit of that dead person turns up to help them out in return. There are many variations in all cultures. It's not so much ancestor worship, as it has that 'Good Samaritan' aspect....

Anyway, I was surprised to find in The Stacks (the underused stuff out in the back of the library) a Folklore collection called The Grateful Dead...so any amusing bits will get put up here. The original folklore work, for instance, was done by an anthropologist called Hippe. Is that pronounced 'hippie'?

The book I have is by Geroud, and using that I went onto the Web and found this great (grate?) page on Grateful Dead Stories

A small pleasure that the book of Tobit is in here somewhere.................

That's It for the Other One

look at the Dark Star page!

Happens to be the title of one of my favourite Sci-Fi movies, too....

The faster we go, the rounder we get!

Ove the Bank Holiday weekend I ploughed through some books based on the history of The Grateful Dead. Mixed views - some sociological, some musical - oh the joy of libraries, having several similar books to skim and compare.

Dead reckonings - The Life and Times of The Grateful Dead

A long strange trip - the inside history of the Grateful Dead McNally, Dennis (a co-conspirator)

Sweet Chaos - Brightman, Carol (more from the point of view of the Berkeley radicals - over the bridge)

Oh, and now I just found the other end of the Internet

or the Flash animation version...

Of course, if you do any of these things too often you may end up here

or here (please be careful with the button)

Do go visit the End of the Internet, and come Back safely, but if you go to Shutdown the Internet, don't push the button if computers make you panic - you HAVE been warned....

Or just remember this - AFTER pressing the button (just to see what happens, of course) use Alt+F4 to close that window, and Back to get back here again....

Well, I may not have a table reservation for the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, but I have found The End of the Internet. You'll be back...

Long slow weekend - but time to read a book. The weather was foul for a day or two, so I didn't get up much. Then I slept through today, which seems to have been beautiful (sigh). Everyone knows I am a sun-worshipper, which is hard on a naturally nocturnal person...

Work that one out! I can't....

Hi Keili - I've posted a message in our offstage blog

Nice to catch Tim Adam last night. I haven't seen him since he went off to Brighton for the British Juggling Convention, where the NoFit State blue tent was the renegade cabaret (as usual). I am sorry I didn't go. I know for many people juggling is a lifelong love. I will always enjoy watching jugglers, and hanging out with them, and Haggis and Charlie will always make me laugh, while astounding me with technique, but I, me, moi, personally just don't do it any more. Fell out of love with it. Nothing else I can say. It's nice to know people still make a living that way. Hi to Lynn, still doing magic, or Tim Bat still doing juggling, or John Lee still doing clowning....

I'd have to paraphrase Sir Ralph Richardson [God in Time Bandits] "Has anyone seen a very small talent, I seem to have mislaid it somewhere..."

I can't even be sure if it is because I can't stand the competition. In juggling terms I feel like Roger Bannister is to mile runners...back then some things seemed impossible or superhuman, and when Roger ran around the mile track and collapsed over the line in under four minutes it seemed amazing. Set a new level of possibilities. When I first taught myself to juggle five balls I felt like that. There were no ready-made props, no books, no videos, and no mentors I could find.

As it happens, Five Balls, like The Four Minute Mile, was more of a mental block than a physical one. Throw in better nutrition and training methods, more time for professionals to work on stuff, more access to training material and quality props, and the sheer competitiveness of 'more people doing it' which drives up standards and maybe you can see the parallel. Roger nearly gave himself a heart attack breaking that Four Minute barrier, but a few years later that standard was a basic qualifier for sports events. Similarly, the stuff I broke my heart over is 'very ordinary' these days. I and I don't have the time or inclination to improve.

Of course, there is 'being funny', too, which I enjoyed, and is a different kind of skill. My real problem is that I am a misanthrope (people hater) a snob (I don't like cheap jokes - and I'm so patronising I think I have to explain misanthrope) and a passive-aggressive introvert (go away, and leave me alone!) so the sooner I got out of show business, the better....