Nice to catch Tim Adam last night. I haven't seen him since he went off to Brighton for the British Juggling Convention, where the NoFit State blue tent was the renegade cabaret (as usual). I am sorry I didn't go. I know for many people juggling is a lifelong love. I will always enjoy watching jugglers, and hanging out with them, and Haggis and Charlie will always make me laugh, while astounding me with technique, but I, me, moi, personally just don't do it any more. Fell out of love with it. Nothing else I can say. It's nice to know people still make a living that way. Hi to Lynn, still doing magic, or Tim Bat still doing juggling, or John Lee still doing clowning....

I'd have to paraphrase Sir Ralph Richardson [God in Time Bandits] "Has anyone seen a very small talent, I seem to have mislaid it somewhere..."

I can't even be sure if it is because I can't stand the competition. In juggling terms I feel like Roger Bannister is to mile runners...back then some things seemed impossible or superhuman, and when Roger ran around the mile track and collapsed over the line in under four minutes it seemed amazing. Set a new level of possibilities. When I first taught myself to juggle five balls I felt like that. There were no ready-made props, no books, no videos, and no mentors I could find.

As it happens, Five Balls, like The Four Minute Mile, was more of a mental block than a physical one. Throw in better nutrition and training methods, more time for professionals to work on stuff, more access to training material and quality props, and the sheer competitiveness of 'more people doing it' which drives up standards and maybe you can see the parallel. Roger nearly gave himself a heart attack breaking that Four Minute barrier, but a few years later that standard was a basic qualifier for sports events. Similarly, the stuff I broke my heart over is 'very ordinary' these days. I and I don't have the time or inclination to improve.

Of course, there is 'being funny', too, which I enjoyed, and is a different kind of skill. My real problem is that I am a misanthrope (people hater) a snob (I don't like cheap jokes - and I'm so patronising I think I have to explain misanthrope) and a passive-aggressive introvert (go away, and leave me alone!) so the sooner I got out of show business, the better....