Well, look at this! A month or more has gone, and this is just another dead site on the Web. In my last posting I even managed to leave a dead link to a temporary page of other performers from Cardiff (I've removed it now).

A lot has happened. Keili came to visit, and is still around, which is gr-r-r-r-eat. The circus finished their Sci Circus tour in the little blue tent, and also staged a large-scale community show, ImMortal in their new UFO tent (I was even talked into making a phoney 'contactee' site to back up a letter written to the local press about allowing the UFO tent to be put up on ley lines, or some such nonsense.

I just received a multiple signing picture from Brandon York, which I signed and sent back. I seem to have vaguely committed myself to going to a JediCon in December, as I couldn't make the one in August. 'HR' Nielsen kindly offered to help me make pictures up for signing. He told me all about how conventions work, and then I thought I'd like to play with making the pictures myself, until I found that I don't have any high quality images for printing (they look alright on the Web). I may have to humbly return to him for further help and advice.

Just in passing (and this is NOT a dig at you, Brandon!) people send me International Reply Coupons for which they have paid good money - which I can trade for return stamps. Each one that Brandon sent (for instance) cost him $1.75, but all I get for that is a first class stamp to the States, (47p). That's a big markup for the postal services, and I often end up paying the balance of air mail stamps out of my own pocket. This is fairly typical of my life, when something I do (which should make a profit) ends up costing me!

Back from Glastonbury. There are a few pictures of my mates - Fair Play - freaking people out by being ticket touts INSIDE the festival.

Andy and Jamie are Fair Play.

I just got hold of Kazaalite (Kazaa without the spyware), and have downloaded several recorded bits of George Carlin. Stand-up is great, and the voice is crucial - no doubt the face and body language are important, too - but he writes great lines. Gotta get the books -Brain Droppings and Napalm and Silly Putty. How about:

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.

I found that on his site under One Liners.

You've gotta bear in mind that I wanted to draw people's attention to the fact that there there is a big gap between what people SAY, and what they DO. For instance, I love Bill Hicks (see any search engine) and (rather belatedly) George Carlin ( who I kept hearing ABOUT) (but not hearing) (because I grew up under censorship) even though 'They' tried to stop me hearing Lenny Bruce in my childhood. Lenny was turned back at London Airport when I was at school, even though he was the most honest person I had ever heard of.

I was in my 'English Sixth Form', then (British school pattern for 16-18 year olds - I was doing ''letter to the editor' to Private Eye, and even got published ). You wonder why I 'dropped out?' It's just words. guys. [This is long before we twigged Neuro-Linguistic Programming - see Neal Stephenson's 'Snow Crash'.

I was lucky enough, in my early training, to do 'clown' workshops with fellow 'students' who were anarchic geniuses like Chris Lynam , (when I later copped out to cute acts, for kids, to stay alive), and to meet people who could do that dangerous stuff and still take their audience WITH them, like Mr Jules.

Here's a weird fragment for those of you who don't know my name is one of those archetypal ones like Robin Hood or John Bull.
I'll add my previous research at some point, but this came out of the Cardiff Library Local Study department.

THE OFFICAL ALETASTER

"The last official Aletaster of Cardiff was named 'Toby Philpot' and he was sworn in to watch (under a penalty for failure) that no ale was sold in the town before he had officially pronounced it 'Good and wholesome for Man's Body'."
Cardiff and Suburban News 23rd January 1932.

And the weather continues to match my lowering mood - we are slowly getting the network migrated onto the Council Servers.

The house is still in DIY chaos - and my body is still refusing to get well - as another of my peer group goes into hospital for (possibly) the last time - asbestos from work in the Seventies doing it this time. thoughts of mortality strike again - testing my amateur Buddhism to the limit.

Bob is still singing for me like an older brother - he's always just a couple of years ahead of me - in spite of living an entirely different life, he gets the mood spot on. [I know, all the fans feel like that - but that's why I consider him a superior artist - it's precisely the endless ambiguity which allows us to project ourselves into the work - just as it is the wonderful openness, and bare-bones theatre, of Shakespeare which gets rediscoverd over and over again as relevant to people.]

Time flies by, and I am still stuck with the puzzle of using this as a diary which gets published, so it isn't really very intimate. Too many people I know would not like me to be really honest in a medium which anyone on the planet could read (or take the wrong way).

At the same time, I don't really think many people drop in and read it, because I am not publishing it as a deliberate attempt to get my views better known. This is not a place for opinions - it really is a jotting pad which I access from here and at work, and anywhere else I travel. Perhaps I should put more thought into it, but I tend to find out about things by doing them first, and considering them afterwards.

Being an introvert / thinker / air sign I can just get stuck if I try to think first. I liked this phrase when I first heard it: It is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting.... Not that I am naturally an 'actor', but it was a good cure for my tendency to get stuck in indecision, trapped in paradox, and fretting about getting all the evidence in before deciding anything.

It also led to some fairly bad 'impulsive' decisions (like dropping out of school) which I might have taken a little more time over...but on the whole 'plunging in' has been a tactic I have employed when feeling stuck. Similarly, things like the I Ching (which a lot of rationalists think are mystical rubbish) are actually quite useful for breaking deadlocks in thinking. I haven't decided whether there 'is' some wise old grandfatherly spirit advising me through these translations, or whether it is 'just my imagination'. I don't think it is an either/or issue. Using random stuff to generate alternatives is just a way to try to 'think outside the box' (or 'think in other categories' as Ouspensky puts it). For instance, if I am stuck I might toss a coin to decide - but that is not evading responsibility because I use my reaction to the result to decide - I don't just blindly follow chance.

If that isn't clear - what I mean is this: I toss the coin and if the result makes me feel 'You see! I knew it!' then I go ahead. If the result makes me go 'Oh no! How about I make it the best of three....' then I don't do it.

Of course, THAT annoys people who think that if you are going to introduce chance, then you shouldn't overrule it. They are always annoyed to find out that Burroughs only used cut-ups as a starting point - like a brainstorming session - and then went in and edited with a critical eye.

Hey ho - what AM I on about today? I am just warming up the fingers on the keyboard, to get down to some real writing offline...and sticking this in here for the random browsers who may wander in from my Home Page - Hi! - although (as I said) these are mostly random jottings for my future self.

I heard from Dan Ferguson, and found myself playing a computer game (not something I normally do) and even enjoying it and feeling a bit competitive. Not like me at all! The strange connections which emerge from the Star Wars connection are keeping me amused, now that my circus/juggling connections are not so frequent or vivid - although I WILL be going into Glastonbury Festival to take down the Circus tent, move it to London and put it back up, as the have a 'two tent' weekend, and need the crew. I always look forward to Glastonbury (even though I have suffered and just about survived some of the really wet and muddy ones - ones where I have actually lost my sense of humour and sworn never to do it again, etc. Sadly, there were a shortage of spare tickets, so Julie may not be able to go, but she is going to try to get access by offering her services to the Welfare People. More on this later.

I got a call to go to Glastonbury with the circus, but there's only one ticket available, so perhaps I can't go - I know Julie hates us doing thing separately. It's a shame - to me, as all the little self-employed bits and pieces contribute to making my steady job bearable.

Hey ho - got to decide today.

I am at work right now. We are still quite busy getting ready to migrate our system to the Council network, prior to actually installing a new library system in the autumn.

I have found a copy of 'You can't beat people up and have them say I love you' by Murray Roman. This is a 60's album [bit of nostalgia] a one-off mixture of jokes and music. Rather a scratchy old copy, but when I tried using the library system their record player didn't seem to grab the stereo effects properly - so my rough old needle at home will have to do for now....I sent a copy to Judith for a belated birthday present. It still makes me laugh even now....

And now it's Friday - but I work Saturdays, so the weekend DOESN'T start here. I was up all night on Wednesday (couldn't sleep) and decided to find the old cards I made up...like a Tarot set, but 24 cards related to the Eight Circuit model of the brain. I found them, and scanned them ,and then put them onto a page. Because they are a private thing, I didn't stick up any kind of link to the Website as such....they are too contentious for that...but I will put a link here, so long as you understand that they are just a little bit of art-in-process.

The background story is that I was stuck in a little bed-sit room for the winter; no money; no prospects; all my library lost in a personal disaster. I cheered myself up by deciding to reconstruct what I could remember of the 8-Circuit model, and make up a pack of cards, using only what I could find in my papers...old magazine pics, photocopies of books, etc. This is why they are such a mixture of faded B&W and glossy colour. There is no special pattern to this, I just used what came to hand that day (similarly, two of the cards display in landscape orientation and there is no significance in this....

Note, too, that circuits 6 and 7 seem to have been reversed in the last few years...but in the higher circuits....who knows? Anyway, I have left them as they are for now.....and will no doubt be redoing them as soon as I find some time.

See how time flies? I have been through another month of The Spring not quite arriving....

Bob Dylan came to Cardiff with his current band, and was excellent. My friend Judith came over from Somerset to watch - it was my present for her Sixtieth birthday (no secret, I hope Judith!) For Judith on her miscellaneous birthday........

I love the new band - especially playing the stuff from the new album - their album - Love and Theft - and we had a great view, as I had somehow bought tickets in the balcony, front row, centre stage. We could have done with binoculars, for close-ups, but we were right in the sound mix... Just up and behind the sound man.

Down on the floor people had to take their chances - thousands of standing, milling, dancing people below us. I heard good and bad reports about the sound and view down there - but there was no doubt that people mostly had a pretty good time. After the second encore Judith asked if it was the interval. Over two hours continuous music had flown by..........

The circus has its new show on the road - Sci Circus. The original crew do not appear on stage this year. Everyone is new (except Peter who joined recently, but has appeared in several shows). I saw the opening night, and enjoyed it a lot, in spite of my doubts (even rebels resist change) and after a wobbly start (it isn't easy telling the audience they don't have seats to settle into, but have to MOVE) I really got into it and enjoyed it a lot. The kids I was with thought it was great, as they milled around in the crowd, finding their own viewpoint, while the action moved from place to place within the tent.

I loved Dan's hat routine, but I didn't get to tell him that.

Sponsored by Science Year - the theme of SciCircus is the place where science and circus meet - gravity, friction, inertia, centre of balance, fulcrums, pulleys, it's all there. This is not a pompous lecture, however. When the audience arrive they find lots of 'things to do' with a science theme - there are booths with distorting mirrors, and puzzles, and disorientation tricks. The show emerges from all this, and wanders about the space, incorporating shadow shows, theatre in the round, booth stage, and aerial circus feats, with the audience breaking and moving and reforming as they go and performers popping up all over the place, and the lights shifting. There are many amazing props, too, but I won't spoil that for you by describing them - large and small.

The circus skills were excellent, and eventually we were charmed by this strange crew......good clowning....great disruptive fun.

Just finished reading Tony Allen's Speaker's Corner Journal - it's a great read. It's on the New Agenda site, which is his charitable arts trust thing.
It is very evocative writing: not only can I hear/see his stand-up act (as was) but also the rather different style that he evolved for the particular oddity of Speaker's Corner's dynamics. It is both a guided tour and a critique; you are introduced to colourful characters, given an analysis of the various other speakers, and are even allowed a glimpse backstage of the creative process.

I also emailed his publisher and found that his book "Attitude: Wanna make something of it?" will be out in early October 2002.

If you don't know who Tony is, then check it out - without his influence a lot of what we now glibly call Alternative Comedy would never have happened, or not exactly in this form. He's the eminence gris - the Godfather of it all. You don't see him on tv much, so he doesn't have that widespread fame thing [but then again, he doesn't sell his soul to advertising, either].

I had the privilege of hanging out with him, being helpful, back a few years. This didn't involve much - taking money on the door at clubs, helping with leaflets, setting up workshops, etc. It helped me feel more like a friend than a ligger, at least! And (most importantly) I got to see him perform often, and in many different venues - as well as socialising a little. Still, the stand-up scene is a little daunting for a timid old fool like me - I have never been very Alpha - and Tony knows EVERYBODY.

Just finished Cryptonomicon, Neal Stephenson, and in spite of the hassles of trying to read 900 pages while you are in a working week I have to say I've really enjoyed the ride. I am not going to do a precis here. It's too soon since I finished it.

Some of the links on the site seem to be having problems. Even this Blogger thing, since I now do it in BloggerPro, but often find myself in the standard format, too. Or is the server just slow at times?

It's a funny old world - just as I was expecting a dull year. [The only excitement was a very vague possibility of a Jabba get-together at a Texas Star Wars Convention in October.]

A man stepped out of the elevator today, who said he was a researcher for a daytime tv programme (and in case they want me to be secret plant in the audience, I won't say who, just now) who might consider me a 'colourful local character'. I rarely say no to stuff (that's how I ended up in ALL the good things I did, and a few of the bad.)

They'll let me know.

I have been neglecting this diary for a while - so here's just a quick update. Keili came for a whirlwind visit, and is as amazing as I expected and more (we didn't meet for a long time).

Spring has arrived, bright but cold.

I spotted Tony Allen's site at last: NewAgenda
He's the original alternative comedian - the godfather of it all - a 'mixed ability shaman' - an act you shouldn't miss if you ever get the chance. And he's got a book coming out, too: "Attitude: Wanna make something of it?". Look out for that.

Things change fast, don't they? Yesterday was Julie's 40th, and also the day that my son Keili rang me to say he was in London, and hoping to get down to visit for the weekend. We haven't met in many years, as he was living in Australia, and more recently America.

So it's another of those big change moments - just when I thought life was drifting into dull and routine again.

And it means that I am not going to the British Juggling Convention, in Whitstable, even though Graham and Irene will be there. I wasn't going to go (indeed I am cat-sitting for the circus), but I could have made up for missing him in Hawaii. Priorities shift, and now I am definitely going to be here on homebase. I gather there is a video of the festival available now, which I will try to get hold of, and I was sent a list of people's contacts.

And so it goes.....

Oh - it's still grey and wet here, I am afraid. Tans fade fast.

And I am still very wary about doing things with the servers at work, as they play up a little when I am on my own [our technical whizz is on leave] - I am surviving, however, and providing a reasonable [if not perfect] service, so I must have learned a fair amount in the last year, since joining this department.

I did return to aches and pains though - after three weeks of feeling OK in Hawaii. Whether that is just rheumatic stuff from the climate, or stress from the work, or what, I have no idea. I wasn't exactly burning with energy while I was away, but I was jumping up in the mornings [tropical dawn]. Now I have that hibernating sloth about my mornings again...hey ho.

Julie is doing loads of work to the garden, [with the help of younger, stronger, cleverer men], setting out to build a verandah, as well as paving the 'sunning space' in the middle. Photos wil go up when my new PC is in place. I am having a blessed rest from computers at home right now - reading books and stuff - it's great!

I am not getting a lot of time on here at the moment. Still got erratic sleep patterns, and no direct access to the Net from home at the moment. I will try to get more interesting material into this at some point, but right now it is just a useful diary....

Aloha! to everyone who was in Hawaii - and a special big hug for Irene and Graham. Mahalo!

I am fairly sure that it was my CPU which burned out. No P.O.S.T. beeps, and the last message I saw from my hardware doctor was CPU fan overheating.

I could start playing around replacing parts, but it could be a rather expensive project, so I am going to bite the bullet and go into debt [that is cheerfully known as 'credit' to this generation] to buy a new PC. I might as well get up to speed - it doesn't stop me tinkering in my spare time....

Really, I am more inclined to get on with writing, and designing, than the hardware geek stuff [even though I find that more interesting than I did before]. Dull stuff, right now, I am afraid, but it's just diary notes to self, not publising as such. Blog has become such a phenomena that I feel I should be making more effort, but I just find it useful for quick diary notes to self....I could almost make this a private Blog with very little loss. It's only because I tagged this one to the website that I leave it open to view....

I have been stumbling through a week at work. Let me tell you - jet-lag when travelling West to East is a real effect! I thought I was good at late nights, and wayward bodyclock behaviour, but this turned me inside out. I arrived at work at what felt like midnight, and by the end of the working day it is like watching the dawn come up after an all-night rave....

So when people ask me if I enjoyed the break, I can't really remember, I feel so weird. Hey Ho.

And while I was gone the home computer developed strange noises and behaviour, and I started fiddling with it on my return, and now it is off-line, and semi-dismantled, as I try to decide which fan is making a noise, whether the CPU is overheating, whether my motherboard is burned out, etc. I suppose I shouldn't have started messing with it in the jet lag mode.....I was only gone three weeks, and the household machines started playing up. The video wouldn't work for those left behind [although I have reset that].

So don't expect many changes in the webpage, until I get myself back online. I can just about monitor my emails, and do these blogs, but that's about it.

[Just a wave to a face in the crowd] "Great news, Caroline!"