I just got hold of Kazaalite (Kazaa without the spyware), and have downloaded several recorded bits of George Carlin. Stand-up is great, and the voice is crucial - no doubt the face and body language are important, too - but he writes great lines. Gotta get the books -Brain Droppings and Napalm and Silly Putty. How about:
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
I found that on his site under One Liners.