Monday, June 03, 2002

Time flies by, and I am still stuck with the puzzle of using this as a diary which gets published, so it isn't really very intimate. Too many people I know would not like me to be really honest in a medium which anyone on the planet could read (or take the wrong way).

At the same time, I don't really think many people drop in and read it, because I am not publishing it as a deliberate attempt to get my views better known. This is not a place for opinions - it really is a jotting pad which I access from here and at work, and anywhere else I travel. Perhaps I should put more thought into it, but I tend to find out about things by doing them first, and considering them afterwards.

Being an introvert / thinker / air sign I can just get stuck if I try to think first. I liked this phrase when I first heard it: It is easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to think yourself into a new way of acting.... Not that I am naturally an 'actor', but it was a good cure for my tendency to get stuck in indecision, trapped in paradox, and fretting about getting all the evidence in before deciding anything.

It also led to some fairly bad 'impulsive' decisions (like dropping out of school) which I might have taken a little more time over...but on the whole 'plunging in' has been a tactic I have employed when feeling stuck. Similarly, things like the I Ching (which a lot of rationalists think are mystical rubbish) are actually quite useful for breaking deadlocks in thinking. I haven't decided whether there 'is' some wise old grandfatherly spirit advising me through these translations, or whether it is 'just my imagination'. I don't think it is an either/or issue. Using random stuff to generate alternatives is just a way to try to 'think outside the box' (or 'think in other categories' as Ouspensky puts it). For instance, if I am stuck I might toss a coin to decide - but that is not evading responsibility because I use my reaction to the result to decide - I don't just blindly follow chance.

If that isn't clear - what I mean is this: I toss the coin and if the result makes me feel 'You see! I knew it!' then I go ahead. If the result makes me go 'Oh no! How about I make it the best of three....' then I don't do it.

Of course, THAT annoys people who think that if you are going to introduce chance, then you shouldn't overrule it. They are always annoyed to find out that Burroughs only used cut-ups as a starting point - like a brainstorming session - and then went in and edited with a critical eye.

Hey ho - what AM I on about today? I am just warming up the fingers on the keyboard, to get down to some real writing offline...and sticking this in here for the random browsers who may wander in from my Home Page - Hi! - although (as I said) these are mostly random jottings for my future self.

I heard from Dan Ferguson, and found myself playing a computer game (not something I normally do) and even enjoying it and feeling a bit competitive. Not like me at all! The strange connections which emerge from the Star Wars connection are keeping me amused, now that my circus/juggling connections are not so frequent or vivid - although I WILL be going into Glastonbury Festival to take down the Circus tent, move it to London and put it back up, as the have a 'two tent' weekend, and need the crew. I always look forward to Glastonbury (even though I have suffered and just about survived some of the really wet and muddy ones - ones where I have actually lost my sense of humour and sworn never to do it again, etc. Sadly, there were a shortage of spare tickets, so Julie may not be able to go, but she is going to try to get access by offering her services to the Welfare People. More on this later.

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails